When life is like a Monty Python sketch

I ordered some shoes online last weekend and this evening at about 6:30pm a delivery driver from DPD turned up with the box. However when I opened the door he was looking at his device – the thing you sign to accept the delivery – with a concerned expression on his face and said, “Sorry, I’m not supposed to deliver this until 7:18pm. I’m going to have to come back. Bye” and off he went with my box.

At 7:18 exactly he returned and handed over my shoes.

How absurd is that? And more importantly, what a waste of time and petrol. It’s a bit like this Monty Python sketch.


24 responses to “When life is like a Monty Python sketch”

  1. Seriously? That is insane!

    1. Exactly! It’s ridiculous.

  2. I was talking to a DPD driver only yesterday when I had a delivery. Apparently they have a planned route calculated by computer and designed so they don’t exceed speed limits. It uses GPS to track them as they drop off in order and the customer signs for the parcel. The benefit is that the recipient can follow the driver online on a map, and can see where they are in the delivery queue.

    In your case, Rachel, I’m guessing the driver deviated from his pre-planned route (probably because he knew the area very well) and the system would register his error. The error would mean a reprimand for not following the rules which form the contract with his employer.

    1. But it’s not an error if he delivers the item early and I’m home to accept it. It’s completely absurd that he was unable to leave the package and the company is treating its employees like robotic morons that can’t make decisions themselves.

      1. Of course, it’s not an error for you. But look at it from the company’s POV: if the parcel is delivered early it means the driver is not following the GPS system (thus breaking his contract of employment) and he might well have been exceeding the speed limit. As the driver explained to me; the company plan is that any driver, even one not familiar with the route or the houses, can get in the van and follow the approved delivery route which has been optimised by the computer system. Believe me, it might not make any sense to you but it is perfectly logical for the logistics of the company.

        1. It’s great that the GPS system works so well and that anyone can deliver the items without knowing the area. What’s absurd is that it’s so inflexible that if the driver is early he has to sit and wait outside. If he can make a delivery half and hour earlier then he should be able to.

      2. This is my last attempt to explain, Rachel. You’re right that the company don’t want the driver’s to think — that’s why they’ve installed an expensive computer GPS system. The problem is not that the driver arrived early–it’s that he’s arrived early at your place by missing out another drop he should have done first! In other words’ your parcel is early at the expense of someone else’s parcel being late! That’s why he shot off and came back at the guaranteed time. Geddit?

        You might remember the errors that used to occur when deliveries were up to the drivers. They can no longer happen — except when drivers start ignoring the system and delivering out of order. Believe me, it is logical; though I accept from your perspective it seems daft. But the point I’m making is that your perspective is not the big picture.

        1. I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one. The delivery before mine was two doors up! The driver had to sit and wait outside my house before he could deliver my package. It’s completely absurd!

        2. Next time I’ll just take my shoes out of the box and give the delivery driver the box with the label so he can scan it at the correct time. This is what happens when rigid, inflexible rules like this are made – people will find ways around them.

      3. Also, from the company point of view, they just need to pay peanuts and use monkeys, all the clever stuff is in the unbeatable and perfect technology! Which if several companies do it at once, cheap postage for a while at least.

    2. Interesting explanation, and it does sort of justify the rather absurd scenario that the customer gets to see. If I get a delivery, it always seems to arrive between 1.30pm and 3pm, must be something to do with where I am on the route.

  3. brilliant, I’d love to have seen you expression as he walked away..

    1. It was a bit like this:

      1. ? something missing?

        1. There’s an animated gif there. You’ll need to view it on my site to see it. I don’t think it will show up in comment notifications.

          1. Ah ok, will do! You are talking to an unevolved Luddite who thought Gif was a cleaning product so you need short words and simple sentences.

  4. Oh wow, that is just ridiculous. Being penalized because they are being more efficient than what the system is dictating?

  5. I had a new bike delivered in the week, and the delivery driver seemed massively relieved that he had got it to me inside the delivery time-window (30 minutes inside!)

    1. There’s probably a lot of pressure on them to meet the delivery window.

  6. Weird! Never heard something like this before. Again, anything is possible!

  7. I’ve had drivers waiting in their vans in our driveway to get the right time for a delivery. It’s all so silly.

    1. Ah so I’m not the only one! Were they DPD drivers?

      1. I’m not sure. We do get DPD drivers delivering here, so very likely.

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